I’ve been single for awhile, that’s no secret or anything I’m ashamed of at all. I’ve been single for a little over two years, actually.
My last relationship was very toxic; soul sucking, bring you to the edge of jumping, take an entire year and a half to actually heal, toxic. I’ve needed these two years to myself, I really deserved it.
At first I was really bitter after we split—not because the relationship was over (I praised Jesus on my face that it was over), but because I couldn’t understand why such toxicity had happened to me. I went on a couple dates just to in turn decide I was completely not ready. I was at first ashamed to be alone because no one else around me was. I really felt like I needed not only the reassurance in my life that I was on the same timeline as everyone else, but I also felt like I needed someone to fix me, to make me better somehow.
It’s funny how God will take the things we believe to be so true about ourselves and He will crash them against the floor into a million pieces. At first you’ll feel betrayed, but once you see the why, you will know with certainty that in the future you will simply just trust the process.
At some point during the healing process I became okay with being alone and became really comfortable with it. But I somehow in my mind convinced myself that my first relationship, my first love (way before the toxic fella came along), must have been my only chance at love, period. You’ve literally probably heard it before, that we all get one true love and that’s it, the one that got away. Anything else is something we settle for. Only the “lucky” ones get two shots at love. I definitely think that’s some bull that Hollywood has subjected on our culture through romantic comedies and dramas. Anyways, I guess that was how I justified the toxic relationship I’d just came out of. Like maybe it happened to me because I’d already had my personal best, everything from there on will be terrible.
Then driving home from work last night it just sort of hit me and I really sat and reflected on that thought.
How could I minimize God like that?
He seriously, after 6 years of me waiting and Him molding me, gave me my kidney transplant in just the nick of time before I had to start dialysis. Literally everything about my transplant experience is nothing short of a miracle. There’s really no convincing me otherwise.
After 6 years of waiting He delivered me from my suffering not a day too late. See, people hear that number and say to me, “6 years?! That’s such a long time! Why did it take so long?” Because that’s how it had to happen. He knew that at my young age, the best option would be for me to live off my own kidneys as long as possible. He knew that would be the best option for my body and for my donated kidney to last a longer amount of time for me. It happened perfectly, but there were times when I truly thought it would never come.
If God would save my life, even though I had doubted Him and His process and even though all that time of waiting had passed, who am I to limit Him to the point that I would seriously say that my chance for a husband one day will not happen. How heartbreaking that must feel for Him. He who calmed the storm, walked on water, rose again. How it must feel when we set limitations on what He can and will do for us. I know that when I realized my words and my thoughts, it really stopped me in my tracks.
My God is faithful. He knows the desires of my heart. He’s handpicked my partner. He made me from my partners rib. How beautiful and hopeful is it, sister, to know that we have a God who would do that for us?
It’s scary in this world though. Dating can be scary, no joke. I try to avoid it at all costs if I’m being honest, but I keep my mind open. I say a lot that the Lord will probably have to drop my man out of the sky right in front of me with a sign around his neck before I really give something a chance again. That’s something I’m praying about. I have an open mind, but God’s still preparing my heart. And that’s okay, sis. It’s okay to be a work in progress, we all are in some way.
The moral of the story my sweet sister is, God’s got this. He sees your tears, He knows your heart, and He has something really special for you. He will reveal His plan to us when it’s the perfect time. You’ll look back and think, “wow, His hand was on this situation the whole time. If it’d had happened when I wanted, it wouldn’t have been like this.”
The part we play in the waiting is remaining faithful to His promise to us. Sis, I know being lonely isn’t fun. I know showing up to holidays alone when your cousins both older and younger are married with a family is hard (literally speaking of myself here, I get it). But hold strong in the promise that He will deliver your beloved to you in due time.
In the meanwhile, invest in yourself during this time of waiting. Pursue your passions and the things that God has made available to you right now. The biggest thing I encourage my friends to do after a break up is to grieve, but wholeheartedly begin to invest in themselves. What are your passions, sis? What sets your soul on fire? What would make you the best version of yourself? Because I guarantee you, when you begin to become so lost in kicking your goals butts and pursing God’s wishes for your life, before you know, your partner in crime is going to be standing right in front of you. And because you took this time to figure yourself out and pursue God’s wishes for your life, you will know with complete certainty that this one is it. This one is your fish in the big ol’ sea. This will feel and be different, because it is. God will make it known to you with the peace you truly feel in your heart.
I also feel like someone needs to hear this:
my sweet sister, stop chasing flings that leave you feeling empty. Stop going back to the relationship that breaks you down to nothing every single time he cheats on you again. Stop letting men attempt to flatter you with remarks that are actually very demeaning to your character. Stop chasing someone who is just plain no good for you and you know it. Stop holding on to past relationships. Let them go, no matter the love or pain that’s been felt. It’s time, love…
Free yourself. Fall madly in love with who you are and with your Creator.
I promise the wait, looking back, will be worth it.
So next time someone at work or your nosey aunt asks if you’re still single, don’t get offended, don’t say that you’re single for life to try and add humor or make your singleness seem less shameful. Just smile, sis, and tell them with confidence that yes, you are still single and you’re really happy. They may think you’re crazy, but you’ll know why you’re happy and that’s all that matters.
I know someone out there needed this. I needed this.
Love you all. x